Richie Incognito Suspended For Breaking NFL’s Mouth Shitting Abuse Policy

05 Nov


After a recorded voice mail revealed that Dolphins offensive lineman Richie Incognito threatened to shit in teammate’s Jonathan Martin’s mouth (, the NFL has launched an intensive investigation to determine if Incognito is abusing the NFL’s Mouth Shitting Abuse Policy. “This shitting in people’s mouths has been a blight on the game for a long time,” commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters, “Mr. Incognito will be suspended indefinitely until we can determine the extent of his history of shitting in people’s mouths.” Dolphins wide receiver, Mike Wallace, has revealed that Incognito’s mouth shitting habit was causing a rift in the locker room. “It was becoming a distraction,” Wallace said, shaking his head, “every day would bring the question of, ‘Who’s mouth is Richie going to shit in today?’ We were always looking over our shoulders. It was a bad, bad thing for the team to deal with.” Former NFL linebacker Ray Lewis confessed that shitting in people’s mouths is a serious problem in the NFL and one that he had deal with personally. “Everyone has their demons,” the former Ravens linebacker revealed in an interview, “and my demon was shitting in people’s mouths. It took a while before I finally overcame the urge to shit in people’s mouths, but I beat it. And I just hope Richie Incognito will be able to as well.” Richie Incognito could not be reached for comment because he was too busy shitting in Dolphins’ running back Lamar Miller’s mouth.


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Posted by on November 5, 2013 in Uncategorized


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