Here is the Week 2 installment of the NFL Weekly Roundup:
-The Patriots and Jets got the week off to a hilarious start. The game was a poorly played affair in sloppy, rainy conditions. Patriots WR Aaron Dobson in particular had a rough game in particular, dropping a few balls and making lots of mental mistakes. Reporters wanted to talk to Dobson after the game, but he couldn’t be reached because he was too busy being devoured by black widow spiders that Bill Belichick spewed out of his mouth.
-On the other side of that game, the Jets didn’t do much better. Geno Smith threw 3 interceptions and if he wasn’t throwing it to the other team, he was throwing it into the ground. Geno complained about the lack of coaching from injured QB Mark Sanchez, who was reportedly too busy asking teammates “what their favorite Pixar movie is, whether they like Sonic or Mario more,” and whether or not anyone “had any advice on how to beat the first level in Battletoads.”
-The Tampa Bay Buccaneers squandered another last minute lead, this time against the Saints. After the game, head coach Greg Schiano reportedly went to the front office and demanded he be fired.
-Last night, the Pittsburgh Steelers had a rough night against their division rivals, losing to the Bengals 20-10. Not only that, but they also have less rushing yard on the season than Chiefs QB Alex Smith. Head coach Mike Tomlin attributes this to poor offensive line play and says the team is looking into calling in and working out new players to improve the talent at the position. Among those the Steelers intend on reach out to include high school all star tackle Ben Grimm, the late great Gene Upshaw, E. Honda from the Street Fighter games and the soda machine on the second floor of the Steelers team facilities.
-This week, the Oakland Raiders played against the Jacksonville Jaguars. That’s the joke.