This past Tuesday, the Chicago Blackhawks beat the Boston Bruins in Game 6 of the Stanley Cup finals, ending the truncated 48 game season. Because of the shortened season, however, the NHL decided to reward the Blackhawks with only half of Lord Stanley’s Cup. In addition to chopping the cup in half, the league will not engrave the names of the Blackhawks onto the trophy and will instead scrawl everyone’s name on the trophy in red crayon. Chicago goalie Corey Crawford was a little confused by the change, saying, “It’s cool that we won, but having just half the Cup was a little disappointing. I mean, it’s not as heavy to lift, so that’s cool, especially for Patrick [Kane] because he has the muscles of a 12 year old.” Chicago forward Jonathan Toews also had an opinion, telling reporters, “I just wish someone had told me this or I wouldn’t have tried so hard, especially since I played with a concussion.” Toews then shit himself and frantically asked what day it was and why everybody had microphones. In another change to tradition, commissioner Gary Bettman did not even present the halved trophy because he was too busy being a dickhead somewhere.