Shortly after the signing of Tim Tebow, a figurehead of purity, Patriots player expressed their excitement of his addition to the team, noting in particular the imminent titanic clash between him and the Prince of Darkness, Bill Belichick. “It’s going to be cataclysmic,” quarterback Tomb Brady said with a huge grin, “the end of times approaches, and New England will be the battleground for it. Just really exciting stuff.” The players already got a taste of what’s to come, when Belichick was feasting on backup quarterback Ryan Mallet’s heart in the weight room and Tebow descended down on a platform of light to stop him. “I saw it all happen,” running back Shane Vereen told reporters, “Coach got all scared and started hissing and shit, and Tebow like threw this ball of light at him and Coach just kinda teleported away in this cloud of darkness. It was some hardcore shit.” Another incident happened on the practice field, when Belichick and his band of minion imps were terrorizing the assistant coaches, forcing Tebow to ride in on a golden chariot pulled by four winged horses and ward off the imps with a few well played notes from his angelic harp. “This is just small stuff,” tight end Aaron Hernandez said after the skirmish, “it’s going to escalate more and more until we reach the apocalyptic final battle between them. Let’s just hope it happens after the Super Bowl.” Tebow and Belichick themselves could not be reached for comment because they were too busy dueling on a mountaintop, in the middle of a thunderstorm.