The Boy Scouts of America made a splash the other day when they announced that children and teens who are gay are allowed to join their ranks, but that homosexuals are not allowed to be Scout Leaders. This news brought joyous celebration for Ronald Meyers of Reading, PA, a self proclaimed pedophile who was therefore able to keep his job as Scout Leader. “Gay? No, not me,” Meyers told a reporter in front of his custom made ball pit in his house that he invites neighborhood kids to play in, “I don’t care for full grown men. My preferred flavor is of the younger, more innocent variety.” Meyers will retain his Scout Leader position due to a loophole in the rule, explaining that even though they ban gays, “they didn’t mention anything about pedophiles.” “Thank God,” Meyers continued, applying grease to a firehouse pole in his kitchen that he allows neighborhood kids to slide down on, into his welcoming arms, “I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have my weekly scout troop meetings, watching over those kids with their supple thighs and tight buttocks. This is a huge victory for pedophiles everywhere.” Meyers then admitted that if things had fallen through with the rule, he could have gone back to his former job at the local Catholic Church.