This past week, Microsoft held a large press conference to announce their brand new video game console, the Xbox One. The new console will have a plethora of features but perhaps the most exciting one is that the console will double as a confectionery oven. “Remember those days of being bored and hungry with your friends? Sitting around awkwardly, listening to everybody’s stomach rumble?” asked president of Microsoft’s Interactive Entertainment Business, Don Mattrick, “I do. And with the Xbox One, those days are GONE.” The crowd then went wild as a tray ejected from the Xbox One console, revealing a warm cinnamon bun. “Welcome to the future,” Mattrick said, glazing the bun with a packet of icing. “Icing will not be included and will be have to be bought separately,” Mattrick was quick to add.
The conference continued for an hour, with Mattrick going into fine detail on the number of baked goods one will be able to make with the Xbox One. He claimed that Microsoft was paving the way for the video game industry, posing the question, “Why focus on creating immersive and cinematic gaming experiences when you can add incredible features like this? I mean, what other device in your house can do this? Besides ovens, and who owns those anymore, besides Amish people.” When asked whether or not the Xbox One will even play video games, Mattrick stated, “Microsoft does not comment on rumors and speculation.”