When I’m not too busy fighting crime or having sex with supermodels or smuggling candy bars into movie theaters, I am the amazing commissioner of a fantasy football league. In this league, I make sure to entertain my players with weekly league manager notes which not only help give news on happenings around the fantasy league (such as trades or my pick for Game of the Week) but also gives a look into what happened in the actual NFL. I have decided to post that weekly portion of my LM notes on my blog, so that everyone who isn’t my league (read: everyone on Earth except for about 12 people) can enjoy it. So here is the first installment of my NFL Weekly Roundups:
-As mentioned before, the Denver Broncos completely smashed the Ravens into oblivion. However, there was already some controversy as the game faced a weather delay of over 40 minutes which Baltimore said threw off their game. Even more controversial, however, was the decision to have Joe Flacco on their roster.
-Lions defensive tackle Ndamnunkngsdfonkung Suh, always a lightning rod, was fined $100,000 for a low block on an interception return. The punishment would have been even more severe but Roger Goodell was too scared to do so, saying he was afraid of Suh would show up at his house and “swallow him whole, like Kirby.”
-The New York Giants duked it out with the division rival Cowboys, turning the ball over 6 times. An ecstatic Eli Manning said after the game that “that’s way less turnovers than we thought we would commit” and that they are excited to use this game as a building block for the future.
-The debut of RG III was spoiled by the arrival of Chip Kelly’s new high flying offense, which scored 33 points. The Eagles daring, new look offense is different from last year not just from the fact that it’s a no huddle, up tempo approach, but in the fact that the ball is moved forward, towards the opponent’s endzone.
-The San Diego Chargers had a rough night, being the victims of an incredible Houston Texan rally who scored 24 unanswered points on the hapless Chargers defense. The Chargers defense could have used the play of their new rookie linebacker Manti Te’o, who was out with a foot injury. Some players were actually bitter about him sitting out the game, claiming that they had suspicions that Te’o’s injury was simply imaginary.